i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
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