Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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