Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
time to smoke my breakfast
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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