There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Randomize
