i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
