Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
