if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
