we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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