p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Everyone says I win the strip club
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Randomize
