you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
