Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize