Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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