why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Sext me about skeletons
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
