he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
