he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize