You can't motorboat a personality
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
