did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
