I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Reggie can tackle my bush.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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