are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Randomize
