I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
