the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize