I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Randomize
