I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
