I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
