so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
