Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I could have mohawked her pubes.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
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