Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Randomize
