i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Do you still have your period?
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Randomize
