i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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