Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
