Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
