IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
So here I am, sexting at work.
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