I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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