I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
