They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
