I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
