My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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