i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
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