Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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