So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
