I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize