I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
