thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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