Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
He? As in you personified your dick?
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
