just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
