Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
