turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
