i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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