i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
