Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Randomize
