I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize
