i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
