Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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