don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
