i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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