Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Do you have feelings for this penis?
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
