I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
