so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
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