so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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