No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
