im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
