I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
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