Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
