I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
