How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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