____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
