in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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