She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
