I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
