You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Randomize
