I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Randomize
