Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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