Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
