party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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