I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
cat food counts as protein by the way
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
You are a genius and a whore.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Randomize
