She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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