birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
