I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Randomize
