She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
