Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
