My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
