I would go down on you faster than GM stock
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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