I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
