I can text with my tongue
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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