He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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