Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize