She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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