thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Randomize
