so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize