Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
